Unlucky Love
by Shadow of Arashi
Summary: My god... I don't know on what kind of drugs I was when I wrote this, but I was really hight... This is a very old humorous fic that you must read to understand... Yaoi as usual... poor Seiji ;_;


Author's notes : I wrote this story after watching too much TV so I hope you will be merciful on me. ^_^

Sage: NONONONONONONONO!! I down right refuse to do that! Why should it be me of all people?!

Shadow: Because you are the best one for the role my dear. Err… what are you doing? But… but...!? PUT DOWN THAT SWORD THIS INSTANT!

Sage _*evil smile* And why should I do that?_

**Shadow: Because if you kill me then I can't write the story. Oh and if you hurt me Sage... I WILL PUT YOU IN A LEMON WITH ARAGO!!!**

**Sage _*pales and steps back* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! You... you wouldn't dare... right Shadow?_**

**Shadow: Try me. Oh crap, I already did it so I guess this threat doesn't work anymore… **

**Arago _*who has just appeared out of nowhere* YES! You did it Shadow!!_**

**Shadow : Hentai! You haven't had enough of it with the warlords?! Now get out of here! Get out! And now on with the story before this becomes a story in itself... **

**Cye: It wouldn't be the first time that an author's notes becomes a story in itself anyway...**

_(BONG)_

**Shadow _*hold frying pan in hands and glared at the out cold Cye* NOW, we can start._**

**Sage _*hides as faraway from Shadow as he can* She is insane! My god what the hell I'm doing there?! _**

**Shadow: Good question… besides pleasing the author that is…**

Unlucky Love

By Shadow of Arashi

Ryo was watching TV in the living room with White Blaze at his feet. Mia was reading some new novel she had just bought when Cale entered the room with two coffees and hands one to Ryo. Picking up a book on the table, the blue haired ex-warlord goes to sit down when the doorbell rings. Ryo gets up to open the door only to see Dais enter the manor in a hurry. Ryo looks at him surprised, but doesn't say anything to the white haired ex-warlord. 

Dais just goes into the living room, sits down in a chair and glares at the door. Ryo closes it and walks into the living room, until he is standing in front of Dais.   
  


**Ryo: What's up Dais? I didn't know you were coming. For Cale it's normal, he is married to Sage and practically lives here but you?   
  
**

**Dais _*rolls his eyes* For God's sake, please don't talk about marriage. I'm fed up with Sekhmet! For the 200 years that we have been married he has NEVER behaved this way. He must be hiding something. I'm sure he is cheating on me! I want a divorce as soon as he is back!  
  
_**

Ryo, Mia and Cale's jaws hit the floor in shock. Cye enters the room and looks at Ryo, Mia, Cale and Dais before falling heavily on the couch. Ryo, who hasn't taken his eyes off Dais, didn't notice him.

**Mia: You... you're serious?   
  
**

**Dais: You bet I am! I swear if I see him now, I'll strangle him!  
  
**

**Cye: Who?  
  
**

**Ryo _*who has finally noticed Cye* Sekhmet.   
  
_**

**Cye: But why? I thought you two were...  
  
**

**Dais: Yes, _were.   
  
_**

**Ryo: But still you aren't going to get a divorce!  
  
**

**Cye: WHAT??!! You are going to get a divorce??!!  
  
**

**Dais: Yes, and . . .?  
  
**

**Cye: At your age?  
  
**

**Dais _*glares at Cye* Okay now that's enough. So how things are going with Kento?  
  
_**

**Cye: Perfectly fine thank you!  
  
**

**Dais: I see. And you Cale?  
  
**

**Cale: I don't know. Sage doesn't seem to want to talk to me. He has been sleeping in his room for two weeks now. Alone.  
  
**

**Dais: Oh.  
  
**

**Mia: But, Dais, do you have any proof about what you said?  
  
**

**Dais: I think so.  
  
**

The phone suddenly rings and Cale answers it.  
  


**Cale: Moshi moshi? Oh yes I'm coming.  
  
**

**Cye: Who was it?  
  
**

**Cale: Kayura. She needs my help; her car just broke down.  
  
**

Cale leaves. Five minutes later someone is ringing the doorbell again. Cye opens the door this time and Sage enters with Kento. Sage is yelling.  
  


**Sage: No! I told you that I won't speak to him until he starts listening to ME for a change!  
  
**

Dais, Ryo, Mia and Cye glance at each other then at the two Ronins. Sage sits down in a vacant chair while Kento pours himself a drink.  
  


**Kento: It's definitely not a smart thing to do. It's not like you at all.  
  
**

**Sage: I don't care!  
  
**

**Mia: What is it now?  
  
**

**Sage: Nothing. Nothing at all…   
  
**

**Ryo: You are a very bad liar Sage. So what's the problem? Cale told us you wouldn't speak to him anymore.  
  
**

**Sage: Ah! Cale! Of course.**

**Dais: Oh, stop it! What is it? You two have only been married for a year. It's not like Sekhmet and I.  
  
**

**Sage: Well actually… It's quite hard. I just don't know anymore!  
  
**

**Kento: But to get to this...   
  
**

**Cye: To what?   
  
**

**Sage: Well...   
  
**

**Dais: Well what?   
  
**

**Kento: Tell them Sage.  
  
**

**Seiji: I want a divorce.   
  
**

**Cye, Ryo, Mia and Dais: YOU TOO!   
  
**

**Sage _*surprised*: What is somebody else getting a divorce around here?  
  
_**

**Dais: Yes, me! But Sage, do you have a good reason to do that?  
  
**

**Sage: ...   
  
**

**Cye: Sage...  
  
**

**Sage: Oh, leave me alone would you? And I DO have a reason. He is an idiot who never bothers to listen to me!   
  
**

**Kento: Well it IS a reason… Oh and Dais what is that, you want a divorce too?   
  
**

**Dais: Yes. I'm sure Sekhmet is cheating on me.   
  
**

**Kento _*shocked* NO! You're kidding right?   
  
_**

Dais sighs and shakes his head just as the doorbell rings again. Cye gets up to see who was there.   
  


**Cye: It's Cale!   
  
**

**Sage _*runs to his room and locks the door* I'm not here, okay?  
  
_**

Cye nods hesitantly and opens the door. Cale enters with Kayura and Rowen.   
  


**Rowen: Whoa, man I'm worn out! I thought we would never manage to do it!   
  
**

**Kayura: Yes, it was lucky for us that Cale was here. Without him you can be sure we would still be there tomorrow.   
  
**

**Cale: Thanks. Oh man, you guys look depressed! Somebody die while I was away or what?   
  
**

**Kento: Cale...   
  
**

**Kale: What?   
  
**

**Ryo _*whispers in Cale's ear* Sage is here.   
  
_**

**Cale: Really? Great! But why so much mystery? We are married, damn it!   
  
**

**Dais ****_muttered__ Maybe not for very long…   
  
_**

**Cale _*has heard* What?   
  
_**

**Dais: Oh shit!  
  
**

**Cale: What do you mean Dais? I'm listening.   
  
**

**Cye: He means that... we saw Sage and he wanted to do like Dais. Sorry.  
  
**

**Cale _*eyes are wide as saucers, jaw hits the floor* WHAT? He told you that?   
  
_**

**Ryo: Err... yes. He locked himself in his room after that.  
  
**

**Cale _*runs to the door* SAGE! YOU OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT! WE NEED TO TALK!   
  
_**

The doorbell rings yet again and Cye goes to open it once more. Sekhmet enters. Dais sees him, gets up and locks himself in the kitchen.  
  


**Sekhmet: What the hell is wrong with him?   
  
**

**Rowen: Maybe he wants a divorce too.   
  
**

**Sekhmet: WHAT?   
  
**

**Ryo: Dais thinks you are cheating on him. He told us ten minutes ago.   
  
**

**Sekhmet: But...! That's crazy! Wait a minute, "too"?!   
  
**

**Cye: Looks like Sage wants to leave Cale.   
  
**

**Sekhmet: That's why he is banging on the door like that?   
  
**

**Cye _*rubs temples tiredly* Yes.   
  
_**

**Kento: It's becoming quite comical...   
  
**

**Cale: Talk for yourself Hardrock! It's not Cye who is locked in his room wanting to leave you!   
  
**

**Kento: I would like to see that!   
  
**

**Sekhmet _*standing in front of the kitchen door* Dais, open the door! At least tell me what I did!  
  
_**

**Rowen: Something tells me that they don't want to talk.   
  
**

**Everyone _*but Sage and Dais who arent' there* Thanks Dr. Genius.   
  
_**

Rowen disappears behind the couch.   
  


**Cale: And what do we do now?   
  
**

**Kayura: We could use my method.  
  
**

**Sekhmet: Which is?   
  
**

**Kayura: We break down the door.   
  
**

**Mia: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??!! What the hell is wrong with you people?!! This is MY house and there is no way in hell you are going to break my door or anything else you hear me?!!   
  
**

**Kayura: As you wish. But it will come to this, believe me.   
  
**

**Cale: Sage, please answer me! Argh, I can't believe it! Did he at least tell you why he won't speak to me?   
  
**

**Ryo: Well... not really, but he seems to think that you are not paying attention to what he wants...   
  
**

**Cye: This is becoming kinda pathetic...   
  
**

**Kayura: If you would break down the door...   
  
**

**Mia: NOOOOOOOO!   
  
**

**Kento: Anyway, all I see is that we are going nowhere this way.   
  
**

**Mia: Try asking for forgiveness.   
  
**

**Cale: I haven't done anything wrong, and I'm not going to ask for forgiveness first!   
  
**

**Sekhmet: Same here!   
  
**

**Ryo: This is going to be a very long day then...  
  
**

**Kento: Well I have had enough! I was supposed to take Cye to a french restaurant and with the way things are going we are still going to be here in a hundred years! If they don't come out right now I'm going to throw them all out of the house for good!  
  
**

**Cye: WHAT? I forbid you to do such a thing! You won't throw them out as long as I am in this house. They don't deserve it!  
  
**

**Kento: Cye! I swear I will do it!   
  
**

**Cye: Me too, and I won't speak to you until you have cooled off.   
  
**

Cye runs to his room and locks the door. Kento's jaw hits the floor. The others are staring at the door trying to pick their own jaws up.  
  


**Rowen: Wonderful! Now we have three of them to get out of those rooms!   
  
**

**Kento: Cye get out of there now or else...   
  
**

**Mia: Or else?  
  
**

**Kento: I'm breaking down the door!   
  
**

**Kayura: YEEEEEEEEEEES! I knew it!   
  
**

**Mia: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
**

**Kento: _*bangs his head on the wall* _**

**Ryo: My god...   
  
**

**Rowen: Well now the only logical thing to do is to wait for the guys to come out.   
  
**

Three hours later Rowen, Ryo, Mia, Kayura, Cale, Sekhmet and Kento are still in the living-room while their partners are still in their respective rooms. They start drinking and talking to kill time. Cale gives a large drink to Sekhmet.  
  


**Cale: Hey Sekhmet, why is Dais so sure you're cheating on him?   
  
**

**Sekhmet _*empties his glass* I don't have a clue. It's so... so... Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!   
  
_**

Sekhmet starts crying on Cale's shoulder, who is glancing at him with a weird look on his face. Kento is pouring himself a drink and sighing, he finally gives his drink to Sekhmet.  
  


**Sekhmet: Thank you. _(sniff). It's cruel. I have never cheated on him once in 200 years! Never! How could he think... aaaaaaaaah!__ *starts crying again*_**

**Ryo: Somehow I find it difficult to believe that you have never cheated on Dais in 200 years.   
  
**

**Sekhmet: It's the truth...   
  
**

**Kento: Crazy. But I believe him. Alcohol talking. If Dais heard him I hope he will come out of the kitchen.   
  
**

**Ryo: I'm still having trouble believing it. Anyway, Kento you won't make me believe that YOU have never cheated on Cye. I'm sure of it.   
  
**

**Kento: How dare you...?!! I NEVER DID THAT!   
  
**

**Rowen: It's true?   
  
**

**Kento: Yes! Well almost...   
  
**

Cale throws Kento a dirty look while helping Sekhmet stay upright on the couch, since the green haired man was totally drunk and was sliding toward him. Suddenly a piece of paper is put under the door of Cye's room. Kento takes it and reads it. His eyes widen to an impossible size and his jaw falls on the ground once again.   
  


**Mia: What did it say?   
  
**

**Kento: It said, _"You will explain to my lawyer what 'almost' means, I want a divorce!!"   
  
_**

**Rowen _*falls on the floor rolling with hysterical laughter* It's... It's a plague! Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!!   
  
_**

Cale gets up and calmly proceeds to strangle Rowen. Ryo throws himself on Cale and frees Rowen. Kayura continues to drink her coffee smiling.   
  


**Cale: Now it's enough! Sage, I'm breaking down that fucking door!   
  
**

**Mia _*throw herself on Cale's back* NOT THE DOOR!  
  
_**

**Cale: Nothing will stop me!   
  
**

Noises of furniture being moved are heard in Sage's room and then we hear something that sounds like glass breaking. Mia pales and runs to the window to look below at the garden. An expensive looking crystal vase, or rather what is left of it, can be seen among the grass.  
  


**Mia: But... But... that was the crystal vase I gave to Sage for his birthday! I spent almost all of  my money on it! _(runs to Sage's room door) Sage! Get out of there right now or else... I'M BREAKING DOWN THE DOOR ! _**

**Kayura _(dancing in the living-room): I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!  
  
_**

**Cale: Out of the way Mia and let me do it.   
  
**

Cale takes a step back then runs right into the door. He breaks it and incredibly loud cracking noises are heard throughout the whole house. Dais and Cye come out of their rooms in a hurry and in a second everybody in in Sage's room. 

Dais and Kento carry an out cold Cale to the couch. Sage is at his side looking very worried. Cale wakes up a few minutes later and Kento gives him a drink. Cale drinks it without blinking and stares at Sage with a strange look in his eyes.

**Sage: Cale! Are you alright?   
  
**

**Cale: Sage, go into your room and wait for me.  
  
**

**Sage: But...   
  
**

**Cale: I said go to your room!  
  
**

Sage gets up, nods meekly and disappears into his room, this time without locking the door. Cale raises from the couch and unbuckles his pants belt. Cye watches him with wide, terrified eyes.  
  


**Cye: You are not going too...!  
  
**

**Cale: Stay out of this Cye. This is between Sage and me.   
  
**

Cale disappears into Sage's room as well.   
  


**Sage _(voice muffled by the door): Cale? But... what are you doing? ITAI! Itai! Ahhhh!! STOP!!   
  
_**

The Ronin all glance at the door with worried faces, listening to the screams of their poor blonde friend. Kayura is still smiling. Cye notices it.  
  


**Cye: Why are you smiling? It's not really the time for it!   
  
**

**Kayura: Don't worry, this is the second part of my method.   
  
**

Cye watches her with wide eyes but doesn't say anything. The Ronin and ex-warlords are now glancing at each other.   
  


**Kento: Poor Sage. He must be in great pain...   
  
**

**Kayura: Not anymore.   
  
**

**Ryo: How can you say that?   
  
**

**Kayura: Listen.   
  
**

The Ronin and ex-warlords listen carefully and hear some weird sounds. Kento just gets up and presses his ear against the door.   
  


**Sage _(voice still muffled): Aaaaaah! Aaahh... Oooooh... Cale... uuuhhhh… oh yes! Unnnhhh unnnhh!   
  
_**

**Kento: Oh my god... I can't believe it! In the room? NOW?!   
 **

**Kayura: I knew there was something missing in their coupling. Sage will never ever want to let go of Cale now. No more divorce for them!   
  
**

**Sekhmet: Well I'm happy for them. (_sarcasm) Too bad there isn't another couple making up right now.   
  
_**

**Dais: Well maybe we could talk now. Would you?   
  
**

**Sekhmet: I'm listening.  
  
**

Dais retreats in the kitchen with Sekhmet where the others can hear them speaking very lowly. Cye is glaring at Kento, glad for his friends but still angry with his husband.   
  


**Cye: I would also appreciate an explanation Kento.  
  
**

**Kento: Well...   
  
**

**Cye : Well? Yes or no?  
  
**

**Kento: Yes. Only once, three years ago. You were baby-sitting your sister Sayoko's son at the time. Sayoko had left for business and dropped the boy off at our home. You took care of him for two months. Not that I blamed you, but one night you didn't even notice me when I came home. It was just a one-night stand and I know I shouldn't have done it but... I still did it. And then I deeply regretted it…   
  
**

**Cye _(ready to cry): I… I'm sorry Kento. I'm sorry for not thinking about you too. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?   
  
_**

**Kento: Really? You forgive me?   
  
**

**Cye: Of course, you baka!  
  
**

Kento and Cye kiss deeply. Mia smiles and everyone feels much better. Then the door of Sage's room opens to reveal a smiling Cale in only his pants, holding an equally smiling Sage tightly against him, the blonde wearing only his shirt.   
  


**Rowen: _(grinning) So? What is the score of the match? Or is it the interval?   
  
_**

**Sage _(laughing): The interval I hope.  
  
_**

**Cale: Of course. What did you expect?   
  
**

**Kayura: You two are damn lucky that Sage is a boy, because if that wasn't the case then you would have a very big familly by now.   
  
**

Sage blushes and hides his face against Cale's chest. Cale just smirks. On the other side of the room the kitchen's door opens and we see Dais and Sekhmet holding hands. They join the others and Ryo watches them with a sigh of relief.  
  


**Ryo: So you two made up?  
  
**

**Dais: Yes. Everything is settled now.   
  
**

**Kento: Perfect! Finally everything is fine, and nobody is going to get a divorce!   
  
**

**Rowen: I'm hungry, how does going to a restaurant sound? After all of this, I think we deserve it.  
  
**

**Kento:  Hell yes!  
  
**

**Sage: Just let us change our clothes first.  
  
**

**Rowen: Okay, but don't get horny on us alright?  
  
**

**Sage _(blushs): Rowen!   
  
_**

Sage heads toward his room when the phone suddenly rings.  
  


**Mia: What now?!   
  
**

**Cye: This time there is no way I'm gonna answer.   
  
**

**Sage: OK, I'll do it.  
  
**

Sage picks up the phone.  
  


**Sage: Moshi moshi? Yes. Oh! Onee-san! What's wrong with you? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!! YOU ARE GETTING A DIVORCE?!!!   
  
**

**Everybody : AH NO!! NOT AGAIN! SAGE, HANG UP!!!**

THE END 

**Shadow: So you see Sage, it wasn't that bad. ^_^  
  
**

**Sage: Not bad my ass! Did you really need that belt scene in your fic? _*whimpers at his hurt butt* _**

**Shadow _*laughs insanely*  I always wanted to see you dominated Sage. _**

**Sage: _*whimpers*_**

**Cale: Shadow! Leave my boyfriend alone! You scared him enough I think!**

**Shadow: _*shrugs*_**

**Sage_ *glares at Cale and put hands on hips.* You are a fine one to talk! I think I should do to you exactly what you did to me, meaning shoving ALL those ice cubes up YOUR ass for a change!!  
  
_**

**Shadow _*is currently staring at Sage and Cale with her mouth hanging open* That… was something I didn't need to know about your sex life Sage… O_o  
  
_**

**Sage _*blushes bright red* It's not my fault if Cale has a thing for cold things while in bed…_**

**Shadow: I don't even want to know… _**

**Cale: That's what I thought. _*grins and disappears in his room with a struggling Sage on his shoulder*_**

**Shadow: _*leaves the screen looking slightly green*_**


End file.
